The Beauty of Redirection

Last year, I got the opportunity to work on a few different film and television productions. I was on the roll for the first half of 2022, staying productive and making connections with fellow filmmakers in my city. I was having so much fun and it felt so good to be that productive. That is until I started to experience problems with my health.

You see, I was born with a chronic illness called Sickle Cell Anemia. Throughout my life, I have experienced a long list of health problems that has set me back time and time again. Growing up as someone who is creative, I have learned how to cope with my condition through art. When I was little, I would close my eyes and create stories and scenarios in my head. By the time I was in middle school, I would translate those stories from my mind and onto paper. That was the start of my filmmaking journey.

When I got to high school, I started to realize that filmmaking could be something I could do as an actual career. After high school, decided to enroll at a film school in my area. While I was there, I got the opportunity to meet and work with some amazingly talented men and women. Some of which still inspire me today. When it came down to deciding how I wanted to present myself to the filmmaking industry and what department I wanted to work under, it was honestly confusing for me. I had spent a year in this film program, straight out of high school, and I was genuinely stuck on who I wanted to be. "Do I want to work in the production department?" "What about camera?" "How long should I work little production assistance gigs until big time producers take me seriously and want to produce my films?" These are questions that soon turned into anxiety about my future. That same anxiety made me lose all motivation to create for over a year.

When the beginning of 2022 started, I began to give this filmmaking thing a chance again. I was grateful that my film school helped with career placement. By the time March came around, I was actively working on film productions in my area. Once the summer hit, that's when I started to experience more problems with my health. I ended up having to take a break from working because of that. This was the beginning of what I like to call my "slow period". Everything slowed down for me. I was so unmotivated and depressed during this time. This slow period lasted for the rest of 2022. For months I had been throwing myself a huge pity party, convincing myself that everything I put out had to be "perfect".

After months of wallowing in self pity, I had an epiphany. I figured in order to perfect my craft, I had at least try. I mean think about it, any great artist didn't just start off doing outstanding work. They of course had some trials and errors along the way, and those same trials and errors help them learn and perfect their craft. I woke up one day and told myself "Mariah, pull your shit together. You owe it to yourself to at least try." So here I am today, obliging. I'm not exactly sure where this journey is going to take me, but I'm so excited at what the future holds for me. In my slow period, I have learned that there is beauty in redirection. I now look at doors closing on me as a redirection for something better. I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, and I believe that there is something better for me.

I hope to teach others who may have experienced similar struggles that there will always be another way to your destination. It may take longer or just in the nick of time, but it will happen for you. You just have to believe in yourself and release any doubts and just go with the flow. You might hit some potholes along the way, but you have to keep going. You will thank yourself later.